Little Johnny

It was Friday morning, and that meant it was time for an activity that the teacher called 'add to the picture'. The teacher would call students to the chalkboard one at a time. The first student would draw an object on the chalkboard, and each following student would add something to the picture to make it a new picture.

The teacher called on James to start things off.



James returned to his seat.

The teacher called on Ernie next.


Ernie returned to his seat.

Now it was Suzy's turn.



Suzy returned to her seat.

Next, the teacher called Jerry to the board.




Jerry returned to his seat.
Kim was called to the board.


Kim returned to her seat.

About this time, little Johnny began waving his arm hysterically. Little Johnny was well known for being off center, so the teacher was reluctant to call on him for anything. But as the teacher looked at the picture on the chalkboard, she thought that there was no way that little Johnny could possibly do anything to make this picture dirty. So she called on little Johnny, and he ran to the chalkboard..



The entire class erupted with laughter.... the teacher fainted.

Does Management know their Staff?

On walking into the factory, the Managing Director of the company noticed a young guy leaning against the wall, doing nothing.

He approached the young man and calmly said to him, "How much do you earn?"
The young man was quite amazed that he was asked such a personal question, he replied, none the less, "I earn $ 2000.00 a month,Sir. Why?"
Without answering, the MD took out his walletand removed $6000.00 cash and gave it to the young man and said,"Around here I pay people for working,not for standing around looking pretty!
Here is your 3 months salary, now GET OUT and don't come back". The young man turned around and was quickly out of sight.
Noticing a few onlookers, the MD said in a very upset manner,"And that applies to everybody in this company".
He approached one of the onlookers and asked him, "Who's the young man I just fired?"

To which an amazing reply came - "He was the pizza delivery guy , Sir!"

want to read more click here

Innocent Prayers...from Kids

21st CENTURY

We are becoming lesser by the day

Our communication - Wireless
Our telephone - Cordless
Our cooking - Fireless
Our youth - Jobless
Our food - Fatless
Our labour - Effortless
Our conduct - Worthless
Our relation - Loveless
Our attitude - Careless
Our feelings - Heartless
Our politics - Shameless
Our education - Valueless
Our follies - Countless
Our arguments - Baseless
Our Job - Thankless
Our Salary - Very Very less

Our emails - useless (especially this one)!

Before & After Marriage

Before Marriage

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get!
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!

After marriage... Simply read from bottom to top.

Women are always Clever

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you...to leave."

Man: "Hey Cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

smiles : Wrong Mail Id.

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail. Meanwhile.... Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife,
Subject: I've Reached
Date: 16 March 2008,

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They give computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Love,
Your Hubby.

Amazing Nice story...

Story

One day a fisherman got up very early in the morning. There was not enough sunlight to get into the sea. He saw a pack of stones to pass time. He started throwing the stone into the sea. While having the last stone in the hand, the sun came up then he saw that the stone was a diamond. He felt for his misfortune of throwing all of them into the sea...
Moral of the story:
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Do not get up early in the morning...

How to serve chicken wings to Men.

Even vegetarians are now turning chicken eaters.
Hope you enjoy the dish.

























Read More : Chicken wings for Food lovers

Chicken wings amazing

Best Position on Bed - Funny

Do need a dog? I'll give this to you..

My neighbor has a puppy he ' s giving away (FREE!).

It ' s a Dachshund, it ' s house broken, and it ' s great with kids.

He ' s giving it away because his wife says the dog ' stares ' at her when she is undressing , and that gives her the ' Heebie Jeebies ' . I think she is just weird!

If you ' re interested, or know someone who is, let me know.

Here ' s a picture of the dog. (below)

Now that you ' ve smiled at least once, it ' s your turn to share the fun !

Send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)... in other words send it to everyone.

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!

Read more funny stuff : Best position on Bed

Some people develop websites blindly - Hilarious !!!!! Honeymoon Package

Honeymoon Package !!

Laugh out loud..


Click on Image to zoom.

Read More funny Jokes

Worlds Best Funny Arguments

POOR BOYS

"POOR BOYS!"

When a Girl Cries ------------The World "Consoles" her

But when a boy cries ---------- They say Come on man don't be A "Girl"



If A Girl slaps a Boy ----------- Definitely the Boy would have "done something"

If Boy Slaps a girl -------------- Rascal doesn't know how to "Respect Ladies"

If a Girl is talking to Boys ----- She is "Very Friendly"

If a Boy talks to a Girl ---------- He is "flirting"


If a Girl meets with accident -------------------- Then its "mistake of others"

If a Boy meets with same accident -----------?- --?------ "Don't you know how to Drive"



What A World Is this

Please help me god..

Ultimate French kiss ever photographed!

Ultimate French kiss ever photographed!

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Why men can pee............

Why men can pee standing up

Making a baby. This is hilarious !!!!

Making a baby.......
(There is not a single dirty word in it, and still it is funny.)

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well,I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.''Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?''Well that's what my husband and I had hoped.. Please come in and have a seat'.After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'
'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.

'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.
'Oh, my word!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.''She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right.
People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look''Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours,too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'
Mrs... Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,uh...equipment?''It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'
'Tripod?''Oh yes, Ma'am.. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand for very long.'

Mrs... Smith fainted.....

* Funny Fingers

Funny Fingers

* Eye Test for Man

The Cruelest Form of Eye Tests for Men

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* BEST POSITIONS IN BED

BEST POSITIONS IN BED

WARNING !
Only for Adults

If you are Minor , Please Don't Scroll Down !

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LOL ADULTS !

What were you Finding?

Read more fun stuff at:

Why men can pee standing up

Ultimate French kiss ever photographed!

Making a baby.......

The Cruelest Form of Eye Tests for Men

* COST CUTTING

DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW CUBICLE

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, a n alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Pass this on to all who are employed!

* How to ask your Boss for a salary increase...?

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase...?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
$.$.$.

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply :


Dear Employee,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOw a days, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet ..

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession.
After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad . I have NOthing more to add NOw.

You kNOw what I mean .
Your Boss